I always look forward to weekends, especially since I'm a "grown up". Those two glorious days, I get to do what I want, when I want to do it. Those are "MY days". I love sleeping in late, lounging in my pj's, relaxing, and taking my time getting ready.
Last week, I struggled. When I say struggled, I mean, cried most everyday, questioned Sley's love for me, freaked out over the smallest things, and needed reassurance that Sley would never leave me. It's a wonder the man is still with me after last week, especially Saturday!
It's not public knowledge (well, I guess it is now...), I live with Sley. Something happened (which for now, I will choose not to explain), and now I live with him. We have lived together since the end of April. Everyone has their own opinions on this matter. I had my own opinion before I moved in with him. There are certain circumstances that arose that caused me to make my move. Gossip if you wish, delete me from facebook, move your mouse to the X at the top right of the screen. It simply is what it is.
Now that it's out, back to my story.
I was really looking forward to Saturday. I had not slept good all week due to my insecurities, and honestly, I thought not having to get up early for work this weekend would make all the difference. Boy, was I wrong.
After Sley took me out to eat Thursday for my "free anniversary", I thought I was all good! I had not cried at all Thursday and it was actually a very good day for me! I ended the day talking to my soon-to-be ex sister in law and snuggling up with my man.
Friday, Sley's alarm clock went off. Any normal day, I feel him get up and I quickly go back to sleep. Friday, I felt him get up and I got up right behind him. Back when I was with Brandon, he would get up early and go get on his phone with "whoever" while I was still sleeping. Sley had gotten up earlier than normal (due to my snoring) and decided to go ahead to Hardees (where he goes every morning). See, I cling to normalcy. The instant something changes, I freak! I got up behind Sley and questioned him, shedding a few tears, explaining my fears.
Sley tells me everyday how much he loves me. There is NO REASON, whatsoever, for my insecurities with him except for the fact that I was burnt last time, with Brandon, and had been made out to be a FOOL! Sley is so so so understanding and is willing to do whatever it takes to help me.
That Friday morning, he held me, reassuring me that I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him, and then heads to work. I try to go back to sleep but end up laying in bed, awake, cussing at myself for being so dumb!
Friday goes by, I hang out at my friend/co-workers house (Sley's cousin) and Sley worked on his cousins farm after work. I came home, chatted with my man for a few minutes, then went to sleep. The weekend was finally here and I couldn't wait to just wake up whenever I wanted to on Saturday. The only plans we really had were that Saturday night. Sley needed to get his tires changed Saturday but didn't plan on getting up too early.
Saturday morning arrives and Sley gets up at 6am. I wake up when he gets up and freak out, again. Actually I wake up PISSED! I tell him my insecurities. I tell him I'm scared he is going to cheat on me. I tell him I'm scared he is going to wake up one morning and not love me anymore. He reassures me that it's never, ever going to happen. He tells me that he loves me more than I will ever know and that he has never been with someone who cared and loved for him as much as I do. He heads out to run errands and I get up to watch tv. Friday night, we didn't go to bed until after 1am so I was TIRED.
That morning set the tone for the whole day. To say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed would hit the nail on the head. He got back home around 9am. By that time, I was in the living room, reading a sad blog, crying my eyes out. I go get back in the bed and just cry. He comes into the room and holds me and we end up falling asleep. I thought when I woke up again after a nap that everything would be better but again, I was wrong. I was a pouty, whiney 2 year old. Bless his heart, Sley deserves so much better yet he still loves me at my worst, and when I say my worst, folks, its down right UGLY.
By this time, it's lunch time and I havent had anything but coffee all day. We get up and he asks me what I want to eat. I reply, "where are we going, Wilson or Zebulon?" in which he replies, "whatever you want." I never choose. I always tell him I don't care. Well that day I cared and said, "Chickfila or Cookout." We get ready and he says, "you want to go to Bojangles?" UM NO! "We can go to bojangles, that is fine, but don't ever ask me again what I want...I told you what I wanted, which never happens, and none of those choices included going to Bojangles but whatever..."
lol Yes he still loves me, no he didnt kick me out, and yes, we went to cook out...I said all of that and he never got mad...he actually joked and said, "nuh uh! we don't be catching a attitude up in the Whitley household..." Gah I love that man.
Anyway, we get lunch, go to a local church's Halloween get together, then head out to PF Changs for dinner. All went well and dinner was ah-maze-ing! After dinner, we are all given a fortune cookie. I expected the normal, "Set your goals high" kinda fortune but that night I was delighted when mine read, "You will get what your heart desires." I thanked God right then for such a sweet note and reassurance. We went to Cheesecake Factory after dinner and got a slice of heaven each to take home.
We headed home and I turned into the 2 year old monster, again. Ugh. I would start something, go to the bedroom, stew, then come back in the living room for more. I don't know what my problem was! I don't know why I was so out of it on Saturday. I'm normally not like that, at all, but goodness I was such a biatch I couldn't even stand MYSELF! The whole time, Sley doesnt raise his voice or anything. He tells me he loves me no matter how ugly I am and holds me in the end, promising me he will never leave me and that it's going to take more than this to push him away.
Ya'll, I have a good man. Sunday morning, I got up being myself. Thank God! Sley went and got breakfast and woke me up when he got back and had my breakfast waiting for me in the kitchen once I got up. While I was eating, I asked Sley if I needed to go get professional help. I knew Saturday I was BAD and I didn't want that to happen again. He said, "No Andrea! You have been through a lot. I would be the same way if I had gone through all you have been through." and that's where we left it.
Sunday was normal, thank GOD, and we both got some much needed rest.
I wanted to write this to show that although I am so blessed with an amazing man now, I still have days where I struggle. While they are few and far between, it still happens but I have a grounded man who loves me at my worst and is quick to reassure me when I need it, wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight, promising never to let me go.
I thank God for Sley. I thank God for my troubles with Brandon and my heartache because had I not gone through what I did with Brandon, I would never appreciate the man Sley is to me.