Friday, October 5, 2012

Fool me twice, shame on me!

After our first bump, to say that my whole world had been turned upside down would be an understatement. I clung to Brandon's promises that he would never hurt me again. I had started looking for comfort anywhere I could find it and found it mostly in food. I started eating like a grown 300lb man and soon I would find myself knocking on the door to 300lbs myself.

I was unhappy. No matter how many times Brandon promised me he would never cheat on me again, no matter how many times he apologized to me, and no matter how much food I packed into my poor, broken, depressed body, nothing "filled me up." I felt just as empty if I had not eaten one morsel of food and not heard the pleas and apologies coming out of Brandon's mouth.

About 5 months later, my brother started dating Elizabeth. At the time, he was around 20 and she was 16. They had told my parents she was 18 and attending a local community college, all the while she was still in highschool. Something had happened between Elizabeth and Victor. Victor, needing a man to talk to other than Dad, came to Brandon. Somehow in the midst of Brandon helping Victor with his relationship woes, Brandon retrieves Elizabeth's phone number. At first, I wasn't the least bit worried. Yes, I had just found out my husband, not 5 months earlier, had come up with this extravagant lie that devastated me to my core, but surely he wouldn't be dumb enough to start a relationship AGAIN outside of our marriage with Miss. Jailbait!

I was already on guard from the last incident. I couldn't allow myself to hurt like that again. The wounds were still very much fresh. I don't remember exactly when I started noticing things just "weren't right." The relationship with Victor and Elizabeth didn't work out but my 30 year old husband was still talking to this highschooler. I remember confronting Brandon with my insecurities about the situation and he ended up getting mad and blowing me off.

I decided to sit back and observe. My nerves were tore up. What would happen if Brandon did this to me again? What would I do? My brain was in overload and my heart was torn out of my chest. I noticed him getting on the phone while I was "asleep," and his truck being in a different spot when I got home from work, when it wasn't his turn to drive. The harder I pushed for answers, the angrier Brandon got at me.

Victor and Elizabeth got back together for a few days around Valentine's Day. Brandon and I had started going with Victor and Elizabeth to her church. Brandon didn't like church but LOVED Elizabeth's church. I ignored the coincidence. On Valentine's Day, we all went to a japanese restaurant where Brandon knew the owner and we had been to a couple times before. The owner knew me and Brandon well, and as soon as we walked in, the owner gave me a rose. While we were walking to our seats, Brandon went over and got a rose to give to Elizabeth. That hurt me to my core as she sent a victorious smirk my way.

Brandon got off of work everyday around 3 and everyday around that time I had the worst anxiety. I knew in my heart what he was doing. I was friends with Elizabeth on facebook and the more I read her statuses, the more my fears were confirmed. She had done a "survey" or questionaire, where it asks you randoms about your favorite things and your dreams to post for friends to read.

  • Do you have a boyfriend? Yes but she doesn't know

  • What does your boyfriend call you? Baby

  • If you have kids, what do you want to name them? Timothy

  • Dogs or Cats? He has 2 dogs

  • If you change anything what would you change? I wish he would tell her about us. She can't make him happy like I can and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

and on, and on...The more I read, the more I wanted to scream. Timothy was Brandon's uncles name that had passed away a few years before. Brandon idolized his uncle and I knew if we had kids, that would be the boys name. Brandon and I had 2 dogs at the time. That's what is so funny about immature teens, they can't keep a secret, and the more I sat back and watched, the more she told on them both.

One day I had had enough. I told Brandon, me or her. For me, it was quite simple. He flipped on me and couldn't believe I was making him choose. It was a Friday afternoon and we were on the way to Brandon's family's house. He called Elizabeth and told her, "We can't talk anymore." Her reply, "OK." Brandon looked at me and said, "Happy now?"

I knew better. I used to be a crazy, hormonal teenage girl and had someone told me I couldn't talk to the man I was supposedly in love with, I would have had a FIT! I would've cried and screamed and demanded to know why. I knew they had talked before he called and had this all planned out, yet I played along.

I had contracted the swine flu from a coworker. I came home from my doctors appointment and Brandon put me in bed. That made me so happy and loved. He asked me what I wanted, anything, and he would go get it. I asked for loaded potato soup from O'Charleys 45 minutes away. He left to get it about 4:30. I woke up at 7:30, he still wasn't home. He claimed he was "lost". He came home with no soup and I knew he had been with her the whole time while his wife was confined to the bed. I slipped back into my NyQuil induced coma where I prayed I would stay.

Days passed and I saw a picture on Brandon's work phone of a house in Clayton from Elizabeth and suddenly her fb statuses referred to "waiting on Clayton." When confronted, Brandon said the house was one Elizabeth found for him and I and he didn't know what her statuses were referring to.

Words can't express the pain and agony, the stress this put me through. Before with Lauren, it was just texts, and I don't mean to make it any less of cheating than the others, but I didnt have to worry about him meeting up with her. This time, it was a physical person he was having a relationship with and there was nothing I could physically do to stop it.

I don't know how Brandon could lie to me as much as he had and actually sleep at night and honestly, I sometimes wondered why God had allowed him to lie so much. Not only was he lying to me, he was lying to his family. I had told Brandon's family about what all was happening. I had no one to turn to and I needed help understanding it all. I couldn't tell my family because I know they would hold a grudge and I really wanted my marriage to work. I loved this man even though he continually hurt me. Brandon's sister Ashley confronted Brandon numerous times about Elizabeth, all the while he told her nothing was going on.

One night, Brandon had gone to bed. I had yet to see a phone call or text from Elizabeth show up on our phone bill and I knew something was fishy. I decided to check his work phone. He had cheated on me by phone before so I had every RIGHT to check whatever phone I wanted to of his. I grabbed his work phone and headed to the bathroom. Sure enough, as soon as I turned it on, a text message from E (as it was listed) appeared. She had apparently read my blog about me going to get my hair done that weekend and told him about it. She ended by saying, "I love you so much my wonderful husband."

The night 5 months before flashed before my eyes, only this wasn't a dream. He had done it again. My heart was right when I had begged for it to be wrong. I crumbled. Again, I shook him. I screamed. I cried. I shaked. He pleaded. He apologized.

I headed for the door with my phone but before I got outside, with snot rolling, I choked out, "DID YOU KISS HER?!" He looked down and whispered "yes." As I ran out the door I screamed, "YOU BASTARD!!!"

I got on my phone and immediately called his sister Ashley to confirm our fears. At the same time, Brandon called his mom and walked into the night. Ashley's words to me exactly, "GO SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!"

I cried and cried sitting outside on the front porch step. I had never dreamed things could get any worse. I felt worthless.Why was he doing this to me? Why wasn't I enough for him. Brandon came back and handed me his phone. His mom was crying on the other end. I was on another planet. What just happened?

Andrea, wake up! Who is this man that calls himself my husband? Who is this broken woman staring back at me? With tear streaken faces, my unfaithful husband and I headed back inside. Physically shaking, about to get sick, somehow I muster the strength to take my wedding rings off of my finger. Brandon's face went white. He asked me what I was doing. Hell, I didn't even know what I was doing but I did know one thing, this man I married was a complete stranger to me.

I opened my mouth and said the only words that could come out as I placed my rings on the coffee table in front of him, "You can give these back to me when you decide you want to be a husband."


  1. Oh wow, that made me cry. I think it's so brave of you to share this story with everyone, you've been through hell and back but it has only made you stronger! I'm proud of you :)

  2. Thank you maam...It still hurts writing these because I can remember so well how I felt during all of that, but I'm in such a better place now and it's really helping me see how much stronger I am today than I was with him. I appreciate the positive encouragement. Thank you for commenting!!!