Thursday, October 4, 2012

RAW= from me

I'm taking a little break from the story and I just want to write to you all about how writing my story out for the world to see, being so open and vulnerable with my feelings, is affecting me.

**My blog is a raw, judge free zone. It's ok if you think my feelings are wrong. It's ok if you dont agree with me, but please..PLEASE refrain from writing a comment below that 1-calls me out or 2-makes you seem better than me. This will result in unnecessary conflict. Please be courteous.

-There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about being married to Brandon and what happened between us. I wouldnt take $100 million dollars to have him and the relationship between us back.

-The human part in me wants him to suffer. I want him to suffer the way he made me suffer. I want him to worry. I want him to experience pain, loss and abandonment the way I had to experience it. I want some girl (or the whore that he is with) to screw him over so bad that he hits rock bottom and has no one to turn to.

-It cracks me up that Brandon thinks he has everyone fooled. "We are just friends but I'm buying a house and we are going to live together, with her kid, OH and another couple with their 2 kids!!! But no, there isnt anything going on but I cant tell you what the future holds either" really?

-I often worry about God's Will...I had a dream last night. I had gone to Brandon's Aunts house for Thanksgiving to say hello. His mom was there and gave me the cold shoulder when I first got there. After chatting a while about how I was doing and showing them my new car, I was asked to stay to eat Thanksgiving dinner. I told them I would stay if Brandon didn't show up because I wouldnt want things weird for anyone but if he didn't, then I would be happy to stay. I remember Brandon showing up for a few minutes until he saw me there, then he left. I ended up staying and eating. There was a man at the food table. I had never seen him before. He was all alone. He looked up at me and said, "Andrea, it was God's will for Brandon to leave you."

====I woke up after that. It was so real to me. Who knows, it may have been God telling me, "Andrea, its ok!" or it may have been me saying, "Andrea, its going to be ok!" either way, I woke up this morning with a little more peace in my heart.

-I have talked to someone that reads my blog that appreciates my "realness." I think God put me through this storm for a reason and if its to help just ONE person, it will be worth it. No ones situation is the exact same and times can be really lonely and feel like you are walking in the dark trying to find your way out. I said before, the LAST thing I'm going to do on my blog is pretend like I have the perfect life. I'm not trying to be "negative nancy," but you know, sometimes things arent always peachy!

-I will NEVER take a healthy relationship for granted for as long as I live!

- I file for divorce in 1 and good news! my name will be changed back to my maiden name!!! Please everyone say a prayer for me that things go smoothly! I'm paying EVERYTHING and all he has to do is sign the papers. Please pray he cooperates.

I may write more to the story later on today...until then!

No comments:

Post a Comment