Marriage

Marriage: the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. Antonyms: separation.  (per dictionary.com)

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

                        Mark 10:6-9


  I believe in marriage. I believe marriage is HARD. I know marriage is hard. When I said my vows, whether it meant with Brandon before and now with Sley, I meant every. single. word. In good times and bad. In sickness and health. For better or for worse. My vows are the exact reason I stayed with Brandon for as long as I did, knowing he didnt love me and knowing he was cheating on me. God didn't promise things were always going to be good and it SUCKED that I got the worse end of it but I promised my faithfulness and I put everything I had in to keeping my marriage, even when all the odds were against me and eventually he would leave me.  

My heart aches for so many in broken homes. In today's world, it's nothing to get married one day and get divorced the next. To just give up when the going gets tough. To just so easily throw in the towel when you just aren't happy anymore. I don't think God intended marriage to be that way.   When people tell me they are getting divorced my stomach just sinks. I am no way better than anyone and I'm not pointing fingers. I know no two circumstances are the same.  

To be honest, the day Sley and I got married, all day I kept saying to him, "are you sure you want to do this? are we doing the right thing? you don't have to marry me...we can wait just a little while longer to make sure this is right..." I always worry if I'm doing the right thing and if I am doing God's will. I struggled with that at the beginning when Brandon left me, too. I thought that God would not be happy with me since I was getting divorced even though Brandon left. I knew he broke the covenant but I was devastated and needed God to help me. My husband left and I needed to know that my God wasn't going to leave me too.   It's nice to have a healthy marriage now. I am SO thankful for a husband who loves me as much as I love him and it is so evident! I pray for eveyone that is going through tough times. Don't give up. God is faithful.  

(please no one take this post offensive or personal....I have a heart for those going through something as I did and if I can help prevent that from happening in any way or listen or anything else, know that I am here and you are not alone!)

So What? Thursday Style

Anyone not Catholic and giving something up for Lent? Or maybe you are Catholic and went to church last night and got an ash cross put on your forehead? I've never been to an Ash Wednesday service. That one is going on my bucket list though...I love going to different services. I have decided to give up playing games on my phone and iPad for Lent. I don't drink that much caffeine, I don't blog enough, and let's face it, Facebook isn't an option if I REALLY want to commit myself to going through with this. Whenever I have free time at lunch and when Sley is driving us somewhere, I get on my phone and play either Candy Crush or Hay Day. Sley picks on me because I am constantly playing on my phone. Those games are ADDICTING but they are taking away from building a better relationship with God and my husband so I'm taking a leave of absence from them...

Well, it's Valentine's Day! and Thursday! so here are some "so what's" I will leave you with!

• So what if I am wearing navy socks with my black on black outfit. I couldn't find a matching black sock in the mountain of laundry piled up on the couch and nothing ticks me off more than searching for something in the morning before I go to work.

• So what if I didn't buy Sley anything for Valentine's Day (not even a card!) and this is our first official Valentine's Day together and we're married...We are taking each other out to eat with the mobs of other folks tonight because in reality, cards get thrown away, candy makes us fat, and flowers die.

• So what if that 'said mountain of laundry' has really been on the couch piling up for weeks and Sley just keeps adding to the pile as he washes more clothes. We rarely ever have visitors because we are RARELY ever home!

• So what if I used a half a can of hairspray and a handful of powder this morning to make my hair look presentable. I didn't get up in time to wash my hair in the sink (I take my showers at night) and I've come to realize I'm not the only one to not wash my hair everyday now, plus, I get more compliments on my hair the day I didnt wash it more than I do when I wash it that day!!

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY FOLKS! WE CAN DO THIS! HAPPY HEARTS!!!

Ouch

After not speaking to anyone for a fews days and coming home sobbing in Sley's arms day after day, I got myself together and realized I was being selffish. There was a little one inside of me that needed me to be healthy and positive and not having self pity so I sucked it up and put a smile on my face, and trudged through life focussed on me and my baby. Speaking of face...ugh when I got pregnant, if my face wasn't oily enough, I could ATLEAST fry 5 lbs of bacon easily...and the zits were EVERYWHERE.

A couple days later, my mom texted me asking me if I was ok and if I needed anything. After texting with her about our feelings and me keeping my baby, we let things go and decided to move forward. Shew! One less thing I had to worry about!

Sley and I took a trip to Tennessee one weekend to get away. I was bloated and caught myself looking at my reflection everytime we walked by a store window. I wondered if others noticed my "glow". I loved eating. I mean LOVED (what am I talking about, I love eating now and I'm not pregnant...). I had weird cravings like cherry slushies and MILK. Oh goodness nothing made me happier than vitamin D milk in a cup of ice. Heaven. Pure heaven.

I went to my first appointment very giddy! Sley went with me. The nurse told me to take my pants off and cover myself with a sheet. Sley said, "Do I need to take my pants off too?" in which the nurse never missed a beat and said, "No sir, it's obvious you've done quite enough." LOL. I was so nervous. The doctor came in and started the exam. He gets the "wand" ready and Sley says, "after you're done can I try?" and the doctor says, "maybe next time..." ughhh I was about to die! So we turn to the screen and things aren't what we thought we would see. The doctor thought that maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought and ordered me to get blood work done to know my HCG levels. I left with a heavy heart...I knew something just wasn't right.

After that appointment I started spotting. Nothing too much or too dark but enough to stress me out. I called the doctor and looked up countless websites. The doctor thought maybe I couldve strained too much or the wand may have broken a blood vessel and said not to worry.

The next doctor appointment was a little more solemn. I was afraid of what I was going to find out. Sley went with me and tried to be silly to make me laugh but he was just as nervous as I was. We go in and look at the screen again....We could see where I was pregnant but the baby just wasn't progressing how it should. I was devastated. I just wanted to get out of that place. I held it together while I put my clothes on. Sley was quiet and said, "it's ok Andrea...it's just not God's timing...we will try again later." I didnt want to hear it...

The Dr. wanted us to come to his office to discuss details. He said that more than likely I would have a miscarriage and he would prefer it to just happen naturally. I really didn't know what that meant at the time and really didn't care. I just wanted to GET OUT! I nodded when I needed to and we were finally able to go home.

I get to the car and I lose it. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want Sley to try to offer me these future plans. My baby that I went through all this hell for is never going to be in my arms. I didn't want to go home so Sley drove from Raleigh to Wilson where he got me a coffee from Starbucks and we walked around Hobby Lobby. It was useless because I was such in a fog.

This all happened around Mother's Day. I prayed so hard that God would allow me to have this one Mother's Day with my baby. We had already decided this baby was a boy and his name would be Baker Sley Whitley. Sley got me a diaper bag and lots of cute baby things with a beautiful hanging flower. He had to work that day but when I woke up and went to the kitchen, it was spread out waiting for me. When I had found out I was going to lose Baker, I went to Walmart and bought a little baby Giraffe toy. That toy still sits in our kitchen reminding me of the baby I would never give up on. I would rub my stomach and talk to him all day, about how my day went, people I love, how proud I was to be his mommy, about how amazing his daddy was, and how no matter what...I would ALWAYS love him and I HAVE always loved him.

A few nights later the inevitable happened...just like that I wasn't pregnant anymore. Baker was gone.

To Be Continued.

Surprise!

So as most of you know, there was a wedding this weekend! It was small, intimate, and absolutely PERFECT! Sley and I decided last Sunday about oh say, about 11pm that how cute would it be to get married at our church's Sweetheart Banquet coming up that next Saturday! I don't know how serious I was about this idea because goodness gracious, I had 5 days to plan AND work...but Sley's cousin, Hope, flew with the idea and called the Pastor RIGHT THEN (who was snowed in Kentucky) and he agreed to marry Sley and I! I also called one of my friends, Tracy, that is good at this sort of stuff and she reassured me that this could be done and it was going to be amazing!

Monday, I told my family and Sley told his but decided not to tell anyone else. The banquet at church that Saturday was to raise money for the College and Career class to go to a retreat so we encouraged people to buy tickets and warned them that if they missed out then they couldnt get angry...

Tuesday, my friend Tracy called with a person to make our cake for CHEAP and it was absolutely beautiful!

Wednesday, I came into work late so Sley and I could get our marriage license! That night after church, we met with the pastor to talk about how everything would "flow". We knew we wanted something very short. I didnt want to walk down an aisle and we didnt want a unity candle. Basically my Dad give me away, we say our vows, give rings, and KISS! We didnt have anyone stand up there with us either.

Thursday, Sley and I went shopping for him and got some pretty sweet deals! We got him a whole new outfit and I must say, my man looks pretty HOT all dressed up...shew! I got a new pair of shoes out of the deal, too, so I was happy! :) We stopped by my moms so we could drop off Sleys pants to be hemmed.

Friday, work was awful...I decided I needed deserved a break so I met the BFF and Claire at Chickfila, had dinner, then went to Target and Michaels (Michaels solely for Claire to shop...she had her own basket and everything and I gave her my card to swipe...it was the cutest thing and the cashier played along with it). Sley had gone with my grandpa to watch bullriding (and apparently was coaxed in to riding the mechanical bull himself...).

Saturday was finally here!!! Sley got up early to get a haircut, then I got up and we headed for the church to see the decorations and cake! Even some of the workers didnt know that we were getting married! We left and ran a few more errands before coming back home to get ready...

I loved it. Minimal stress. Minimal money spent. A really good time. Beautiful decorations. Romantic mood. Tracy and my brother even surprised me and Sley and sang a song for us! We got married before dinner so we could all enjoy the meal. The steak was amazing. My family made so many compliments about everything there.

Well, that's how it all happened! Nothing too big but still perfect. We plan on having a pig pickin reception with everyone once it warms up.

It still hasnt sunk in that I am now Mrs. Andrea Whitley. Living with Sley I was scared I wouldnt feel any different but I do. I love him so much more and something about seeing that ring on his finger and knowing he's my soulmate makes my heart so warm and brings a smile to my face. Even church on Sunday was different. I had made the comment that living with Sley and not being married was hindering my worship because I couldn't repent if I went home to him every night. Sunday I worshipped freely, with my husband, and I thanked God. the whole time.


(I haven't forgotten about Part II from the previous post, I just wanted to update yall on how the shotgun wedding went down. and NO, I'm not pregnant, ...yet...) eee!