This is what's up!

Wow it's been busy! With my vacation, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and the regular, everyday life, things get hectic, QUICK!

 Vacation was a blast! It was so nice waking up to the waves every morning. The weather was perfect and mom and I even got some Christmas shopping done!

Mom and I stayed at a nice resort with some pretty sweet low prices! They had a nice indoor pool and lazy river so we invited my cousins up the road to come partake in the pool fun! Mom and I sat out and just chatted while the kiddos swam it up!

After swimming and showers, Christi, Mom and I went up the road to Duffy's for some seafood and drinks. I was the driver (I had some stomach bug all day along with a sinus headache so I was completely ok with driving). The margarita was tasty and my crablegs were oh so good!

Round 2! It's ok though because "liquor before beer, never fear"! Boy have I messed up before on that one. After dinner and drinks we hung out at Christi's for a while to just relax and talk. The older I get, the less I like to "bar hop".

My god daughter, Bianca, had a birthday party a little ways away so Sley and I headed out to celebrate! I couldn't ever convince Sley to try rollerskating but then again, we don't need any hospital trips either.

My cousin Suzanne lives about 3 or so hours away so it's always so good to spend time with her. She didn't skate either so we kept the wall warm while the others skated away!

After the birthday party, Sley and I headed to Mariah's house! Mariah is one of my sorority sisters and other than Paige, is one of my best friends. She is a TRIP! It's so nice just hanging out with her and that night her friends Holly and Robbie were there. While Holly, Riah, and I were chatting it up, Sley and Robbie were chatting it up man style. GOOD TIMES!

I couldn't WAIT to get this baby up! Who cares if it was up before Thanksgiving. Christmas decor is an instant "pick me up"!

Sley wasn't used to all the decorating and "girly stuff". Once I put the tree up and got new ornaments, I got him to pick an ornament out that was separate from the others that would be considered "our ornament". We plan on continuing the tradition every year with a new special ornament for our tree!

I couldnt pull myself to not using every. single. ornament. so I put them to good use as a center piece for the kitchen table! Love it!

November 20, 2012 at 9:30am, I was considered OFFICIALLY DIVORCED! It was very humbling because I had obviously never done this before and had to get on the stand in front of everyone! Thank GOD for the bailiff who guided me through. Shew! Sure hope I never have to do that again! To celebrate, I got me this big ole chocolate bar (and ate it over the next few days lol). That night, Sley and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with his sister where she and I celebrated with a mixed drink and idle chit chat!

Ahhh Good food. Thanksgiving was full of food and family. May I add, Sley and I got up early, took our time getting ready, I cooked while watching the Macy's Parade because every year, for the past 27 years of my life, Thanksgiving lunch started at 1. Well we left the house at 12 to get there and help Grantis and got there at 12:30 with all the family already eating. Apparently my mother forgot to tell me it started at 12 this year. OH WELL! There was still plenty to eat and everyone was waiting for me to get there with my infamous green bean casserole!

Every year, after lunch, all of us gals get ready for BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING! Lucky for Sley, it was his first experience and Black Friday happened to be his birthday this year! He is such a good sport!

That night, Sley, Mom, Victor and I headed to Walmart, got what we needed then came home to rest before we got in line at Belk. At 8pm there were already about 10 in line and it didn't open until 12am so about 9:30pm, Sley, Victor, and I got our chairs and headed for Belk to wait for our gift card!

Only the first 250 people got a ticket so we were good to go! I ended up getting $5, Sley got $5, and Victor got $10.

After a rescue mission for one of Victors friends, we headed to the local mall (around 1:30am). Victor got me my gift and we needed to refuel because I was crashing and getting ILL!

I really wanted breakfast but oh well. We walked around a little more and decided to call it a night (or day).

After getting some rest, Sley and I decided to head out on the town for his birthday. I recommended a very old BBQ joint downtown and thats where we went! It was so good and a nice laid back place to celebrate his birthday!

After dinner, we decided to walk around downtown and I got some really good pics (considering all I had was my iPhone!)

Raleigh is so different at night. It's so beautiful, especially with the Christmas decorations and lights! Oh and the smells coming from all of the different restaurants, AMAZING!

Sley and I decided to take a Rickshaw ride! It was so neat and the guy told us a lot about the history of downtown Raleigh! I would do it again in a heartbeat! It was free, you just tip! So sweet and so romantic. I told Sley his birthday was the best day that I have had in a long time!

Well, I think that's all for now! I promise to post more soon. I leave you with a few more pics of what I'm up to tonight for now!



Honesty

I started writing a blog yesterday but it ended up being more like a vomit of words on the page so I decided to delete it.

I was going to write a post, portraying myself as peppy, happy, carefree, and all that jazz but I promised myself and you all that I wouldn't make my life out to be butterflies and buttercups so here goes...

I am in a funk. I dont know if it's horomones, lack of sleep, stress, holding in so much crap for so long, the time change, or WHAT, but goodness gracious ya'll, something has got to give and it better be PDQ (pretty dang quick)!!!

I have so much to be thankful for so I don't know why I am so blah! Everything will be official Tuesday, Praise the LORD! I have a man who loves me as much as I love him and treats me like a queen! Even though he is currently unemployeed, we are making it.

Sley has been a trooper through my funk. One minute I will be laughing and cutting up with him, the next I'm PISSED and frustrated, then I'm crying so hard my face turns beet red and it takes me forever to get myself together. Nothing particular sets it off, it just happens and it's driving me nuts. Sley never gets angry at me through all of this. He is the most patient man alive. I told him the other day, I have no idea how he puts up with me sometimes and all he says is, "if this is as bad as it gets, I'm a lucky man...I love you, it's going to be ok!"

So there is a little update for you. I know, it's dark and I hope you won't want to slit your wrists after reading it but it is what it is and everyone has stuff they are going through, some just choose to cover it with icing and sprinkles! :)

Hang in there with me, I'll have a better post for you next time...promise! :)

Unknowns

With all the pain I felt from Brandon's lies and manipulations, I cried and pleaded with God, asking, "Why? Why, God, would you allow your child to be crushed like this? Why won't you show him who is boss? Why, Daddy, won't you stand up for me?" I've had to swallow my pride, as a child of God, and realize my Maker made us both. Everyone sins and Brandon hurting me like he did isn't any worse than me hurting someone else, even if it wasn't him.

After Brandon left, I had people tell me, "He will get what is coming to him," and I believed them. To be honest, I wanted him to get it. I said I forgave him but honestly, if I forgave him completely, wouldn't that erase all hopes of him "getting what he deserves"?

I thought that since Brandon hurt me the way he did, my life would be great and his would suck. Good things were coming my way and bad was following him. I had pictured God holding this umbrella over my head, catching all of the bad stuff from happening to me while Brandon was getting rained on. This is such bad theology and my CU professors are probably regurgitating a past meal just reading what 3 years of school I did have blow up on this page.

I remember sitting in front of the TV watching Joel Osteen. He was talking about Moses and Pharoah and how God hardened Pharoah's heart. I believe God is still on His thrown and He is still in control of it all. There is a reason Brandon is continually allowed to lie and manipulate but I have got to let go.

Tomorrow has been creeping up on me all week. Friday I started freaking out and texted my best friend, Paige. If you remember from a past post, Paige and I have a special relationship where we tell each other the UGLY truth. I had found out some unsettling news (to me), add that to the fact Sley got laid off from his job this past week and I was about to lose it!

Here is how it went:

     Me: I feel a breakdown coming on

     Paige: Oh no! Why?

     Me: Sley without a job and I found something out...
            Everything

     Paige: You have got to stop thinking about Brandon and Traci! That is adding to stress. You have to leave that at the trailer.  Keeping that in your head is why you are worried about Sley. B is your past. Let the past stay in the past! After Nov 6 hopefully you never have to see or speak to him again. Sley will find a new job, it may take a few days or weeks but something will come up. Sorry for the novel. Lol! I love you! I dont want to see you continue to stress over Brandon. You can't change him, Traci can't, his 15 other gfs can't. He's a cheating bastard and he wills always be a cheating bastard. And continuing to think about all of this is going to give you an anxiety attack.


Tomorrow morning, I'm supposed to meet Brandon at my work to get papers notarized then we head to the courthouse to file, him to get served, and he turns in a notarized paper stating he waves his 30 days. If he doesn't show, I go in the morning to file for divorce and have to serve him papers and wait 30 days. Either way, it is going to be ok.

I talked to a friend on my FB who has her own landscaping company, telling her about Sley getting laid off. He goes in the morning to see if he can get a job with her. Either way, it's going to be ok and God is still in control.

So I'm letting it go of all this anxiety and stress, God. I know You are in control and You can handle this a heck of a lot better than I can. I have no control. If Brandon shows up or not tomorrow morning, I will still file for divorce. I know if he doesn't show, then the timing was all Your plan. Sley goes in the morning to interview and You are in control of that too. Thank You, Lord, for being big enough to handle this for me. Thank you for allowing me to depend on You. I love You.